Some like it rough - Hard Candies

Hard candies are a paradox for me. I love them, and yet I hate their simplicity. And god, why do they have to be THAT HARD?! No layers of chocolate. No hidden morsels. No real variance in texture. Humph. Well –one thing is for sure. This is the old fashioned way to get down and get your sugar fix. Of course I’m way too inpatient to suck on them for any length of time so you guessed it – tooth breaking fun. For those of you that can hold out, you will enjoy a softer hard candy. Bravo to you.

Aside from the disgust, I am so very, very guilty of eating the hard candies. They always show up when no other candy does. At a cheap Mexican restaurant for instance. Or while waiting at an insurance agency. And always while at the bank.

There’s a bowl of glittering cellophane wrapped little pineapple, strawberry, butterscotch and werther’s. They’re strewn into the bowl haphazardly to say “Here’s your stinkin customer service”. I always manage to grab pineapple. Pure, hard yellow candy with a slightly softened interior. The wrapper has a pineapple cartoon, mocking me that there are in fact NO pineapples used in this product. But when the going gets rough and you need a mouth fix – these babies always find a way back into my heart.

The only thing hard candies have going for them is their ability to mimic a large variance of sweet flavors. For instance, the butterscotch vs. cinnamon. Lemon vs. cream soda vs. A&W root beer. And let’s not forget Jolly Ranchers. The most classic of fruity flavors in hardy candy brands. One note on the A&W root beer candies – I would rather have a cat lick my tongue than eat one of those vile things. I have met many people that like them, and am forever confused by their taste preferences.

Another questionable hard candy is the classic peppermint wheel. Found at every cheap restaurant in America. Sometimes you get one where the white has been tinted pink – don’t be fooled. It’s still an overly peppermint, sugar hard candy that leaves your mouth dry. The chocolate mint variety of these are also bad. Stay away from all peppermint themed hard candies in public settings. Exceptions to this are toffee with peppermint chunks and peppermint patties. These are delicious.